Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
