never play flip cup with pint glasses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
