I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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