They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
