she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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