It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
