I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
