My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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