I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
