My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
