i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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