every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize