I molested 6 butterflies tonight
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
