Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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