well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
