Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
