dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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