i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
