My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I stole a fireplace last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
