so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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