Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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