I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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