My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
