So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
