Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
