Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
