I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize