Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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