so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
