After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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