4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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