What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
