He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
