Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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