just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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