just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
