Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
