Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Randomize
