Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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