Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
