just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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