Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
