So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
