The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
