when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
