You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
