I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
