He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
