just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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