When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize