He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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