Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
