She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
