He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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