They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
