please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize