Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
