Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
