im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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