Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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