I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
