i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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