She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
