you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
