Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
