She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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