i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
