Can i not drive my cunt home
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
