So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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