I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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