Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
