She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
40s are totally the cure
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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