The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
