Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
