It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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