Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize