so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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