I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize