She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
