at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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