Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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