I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
